Conflict

Conflict is tricky… no one wants to really talk about it and if you are like me, you are scared to death of it. Honestly, I would rather crawl in a hole than face conflict. However, conflict is normal and can actually be healthy. In the past, I have had my fair share of conflict and needless to say I have learned some valuable lessons and seen first hand the difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict.

When I was in high school I was involved in our chapter FFA officer team. In my senior year I was elected president and there were several juniors who were prospective candidates to be president the following year. Unfortunately, instead of managing their feelings and confronting issues that arose, they let small situations turn into huge problems and ultimately destroyed our team. Instead of having open lines of communication, respecting each other’s differences, and then trying to find a mutual solution, the year turned into a blood bath. People started rumors, told lies, tried to start fights, refused to speak to others and defiantly had no intent of facing the issues head on.

I as president tried to avoid the situations as much as possible and looking back now I still agree with that decision. Our team was being ripped apart at the seams as it was and there was nothing I could say or do to try to mediate the situation better. In fact the few times I did try it just blew up in my face. Our advisors did their best to mediate the conflict but attitudes and emotions were high and it was hard to get anywhere. Angry kids= angry parents, which just made the situation worse and only added to the confusion and frustration. To this very day, 3 years later, there are still hard feelings between people who were on that team. Conflict literally destroyed our team and the next year it was the exact same way. Our chapter is still in turmoil as younger siblings have started to come threw the chapter and still hold grudges for their older siblings conflicts years earlier. The whole year I tried to avoid the situation, a few times I tired the both the compromise route and the accommodation stage however nothing worked. The individuals involved were so confrontational it was hard to get anywhere.

Needless to say I learned a lot about how conflict that is managed incorrectly can be detrimental to a team. Just because you avoid the situation doesn’t mean its going to get better. In fact, just being open and honest and civil goes a long way in resolving issues. You must put your personal agendas behind you and do what is best for all. Personal agendas are not a source of healthy conflict and instead we must focus on the shared interests of all participants and take the people out of the problem. Being open and listening to others is a vital first step resolve conflict and deal with the situation in a healthy manner.